


The Words You Say

by TomatoBookworm



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Minor Lance Hunter/Bobbi Morse, Minor Lincoln Campbell/Skye | Daisy Johnson, Platonic Will Daniels & Jemma Simmons, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates with choice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 10:55:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18636724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TomatoBookworm/pseuds/TomatoBookworm
Summary: As a teenager, Jemma Simmons had a million questions for the universe, but love wasn’t one of them. She had a soulmate out there, and she would say the words to him when she was ready. Later, her friend Skye would tease that she never bothered looking for her soulmate because maybe he’d already been standing next to her the whole time. Only, as it turned out, the universe and its mysteries weren’t so simple.





	The Words You Say

They were 17 when Jemma first saw Fitz’s words.

 

“Fitz, are those…?” 

 

“Huh?” Fitz made a noise half-heartedly, still focused on the project in front of him. He finished tightening the screw and put down the screwdriver, only then did he notice his rolled up sleeves.

 

“Oh!” He began to tug at his sleeves, then he stopped. “Yeah, they are my words. You can look.”

 

“Are you sure?” Jemma asked. Some people liked to display their words proudly, but she had been Fitz’s best friend for over a year now and this was the first time she saw his arms exposed. Fitz had clearly went to some lengths to keep his mark hidden.

 

“It’s fine, all a load of gibberish anyway,” Fitz said. He shoved one sleeve up further and raised his arm to her eye level. 

 

“I wouldn’t say that just because it’s long,” Jemma said. 

 

She took a step closer to him, so that they now stood side by side in front of his work bench. The words took up most of his forearm, the black swirls covered him from elbow to wrist. 

 

“You are such a romantic at heart,” Jemma said. “Whenever you accept the bond, you’d probably do it with a big speech about how the person is your whole universe. Your soulmate will cry at how lovely your words are.”

 

“If I ever say them, you mean,” Fitz said. 

 

“You don’t believe in soulmates?” Jemma asked. Fitz had always seemed like the type to believe in true love.

 

“I believe soulmates exist,” Fitz answered. He looked away. “But I also know not everyone will have the courage to accept their soulmate bond. My father didn’t.”

 

“Oh,” Jemma said. She knew his father left the family when Fitz was young, but she had thought it was a markless marriage. “He had the words?”

 

“Yeah,” Fitz said, staring ahead into space. “They went through the whole ceremony, said their vows in front of everyone, and went behind the curtain. Ma’s words came into focus immediately on her arm, his were still bunch of ink dots on his leg. She should have called it off right then. You can annual the marriage if one partner doesn’t accept the bond. But she thought he just needed time. So they went back out and pretended everything was fine. Eleven years later he told her he always knew she wasn’t good enough for him, that he was saving his words for someone better.”

 

“Oh Fitz,” Jemma breathed. Slowly, she put her hands on his exposed arm, and when he didn’t object, she hugged it to her chest. “You are one hundred times a better man than your father. Someday, you and your soulmate will say the words to each other. Because you deserve to be loved.”

 

“Thanks.” Fitz gave her a small smile. “Didn’t really think you were the type to believe in soulmates.”

 

“Well the statistical data is overwhelming isn’t it?” Jemma said. “If two or more partners have the soulmate markings on their body, and the blurred lines sharpened into whatever words they used to profess their love, the resulting relationship is always a happy one for the rest of their lives. Divorce rate is zero. Even in countries that don’t recognize non-heteronormative unions, soulmate marked homosexual and polyamory partners still establish happy households. On the other hand, the divorce rate among non-marked people is as high as fifty percent. We may not understand the science behind it yet, but the evidence is convincing.” 

 

“The universe and its mysteries,” Fitz said with a hint of bitterness in his voice. “Wish someone had talked to my Ma about that. She should have someone who truly loves her and supports her.”

 

Jemma hugged his arm closer to her chest. They both knew the last data point. For a marked person whose words didn’t come into focus before or during the marriage vows, divorce rate was one hundred percent. Jemma thought of her own words, three little black swirls over her heart. She was too young to think about love and marriage, but someday she would choose to say those words to her own special someone, and she was certain Fitz deserved the same. 

 

“The universe says we will both find our soulmates someday,” Jemma said. “Until then, we’ll always have each other.”

  
  


******

  
  


The Boiler Room felt familiar and strange at the same time. The decor was the same, but Jemma didn’t know the faces around her anymore. Jemma sipped her beer. At least now she didn’t have to ask a classmate to order for her. Being an adult had its perks. 

 

“Sooo,” Skye said while wiggling her eyebrows. The younger woman had been enjoying her drink too. “The bartender was really friendly. Did you ever…?”

 

“We made out once,” Jemma admitted. “He had a symmetrical face and a low body fat percentage! Quite boring beyond that though.”

 

“Wow,” Skye said. “So teenage Simmons got game, huh?”

 

“Excuse me,” Jemma said. “I was a nubile young prodigy with an above average fashion sense. I received my fair share of attention.”

 

“Okay, got it,” Skye said. “Simmons had boyfriends.”

 

“Well no,” Jemma admitted. “Not really boyfriends. I kissed few people here and there, but they were all so boring. Except for Fitz, of course. He’s always been the most interesting person I’ve ever met.”

 

“Uh huh.” Skye took another sip of her beer. “Back in the Academy, did you and Fitz ever…?”

 

“We are best friends,” Jemma said. Ah yes, another part of the Boiler Room experience, enduring tipsy colleagues asking about her relationship with Fitz. 

 

“Really? So you’ve never…?” Skye asked. 

 

“He’s too important to experiment with,” Jemma explained. “I have a soulmate mark. There’s no point in dating anyone when I know I will only end up with one person, and right now I am focused on advancing my career. Whenever the time is right, I will say the words and start that part of my life.” 

 

“And exactly how do you expect to find your soulmate if you are not even looking for him?” Skye questioned. “Unless you think he’s already been standing right beside you the whole time? Do you already know whether Fitz has a soulmate mark?”

 

“He does,” Jemma said. She took another drink. The alcohol gave voice to ideas that she hadn’t allowed herself to verbalize before. “I’ve never thought of Fitz that way. We are too young to settle down right now. There’s still so much of the world to see. I want to go on more adventures with him. When the time comes, when we are ready to go home, we will know.”

 

“Go home,” Skye repeated after her. “Must be nice. Having people to go back to. Where is that for you two?”

 

“Oh, our folks don’t live near each other,” Jemma said. “I just meant home as in wherever Fitz and I decide to live permanently. Maybe a cottage in Perthshire. I saw the loveliest place once when I was a child on family vacation.”

 

“And you say you’ve never thought about whether Fitz could be your soulmate,” Skye said. She raised her beer bottle. “Cheers. Here’s to home, wherever it is.”

  
  


******

  
  


“Let me in!” Jemma struggled against the nurse. “I have to see him!”

 

“I am sorry,” the nurse said. “Immediate family only.”

 

“I am his soulmate!” Jemma screamed. “Look at his arm. He said… he said I was more than that, and he couldn’t find the courage to tell me, so he had to show me.” Tears fell without her control. “Please, you have to let me see him.”

 

“I am sorry, but his words haven’t came into focus yet,” the nurse said gently. “I will let you know as soon as the doctor says he can have outside visitors.”

 

Jemma fell to the floor. Those weren’t his words? Those lovely, horrible, terrifying words weren’t Fitz’s soulmate mark? Those words that might be the last thing she would ever hear from him? The universe was wrong. How could anyone else be her soulmate? 

  
  


******

  
  


The universe was not wrong. It simply had a cruel sense of humor. As Jemma realized she didn’t want anyone else but Fitz to be her soulmate, the universe told her in no uncertain terms that she was not Fitz’s. He had professed his love and given up everything for her, yet the words remained blurry on his skin. Jemma sat by his bedside, and she pressed her face in his arm again. 

 

“I love you,” Jemma spoke against his words. “Please wake up.” She had said both phrases countless times in the past nine days. The three black swirls over her heart never sharpened. 

 

“Fitz,” she chanted his name. “Fitz. Fitz.” She would give anything to see those words on her own chest. Wait, no. Not anything. 

 

“The universe and its mysteries,” Jemma whispered. “We don’t understand the science yet, but statistical data suggests you do have someone waiting for you out there, Fitz. Someone whom you will love with all your heart, and when you profess your feelings for them, your mark will come into focus. You can take it back.” She choked back a sob. “You can take your love back and save it for someone who deserves it. Someone who can think quicker and swim faster and be your soulmate. We can pretend you never said those words at the bottom of the ocean. I will always be your friend. Please, please just wake up. Not for me. For your soulmate.”

 

The heart monitor beeped. Jemma felt Fitz’s arm shift a centimeter. Pressing her lips to his words one last time, she raised her face in time to see Fitz open his eyes. 

  
  


******

  
  


Fitz’s recovery was brutal. Words didn’t come to him anymore. His arm, the one with his soulmate mark, hung limply at his side. Jemma did everything she could to help him, but she made things worse. More than once, she caught him staring at his shaking hand, with the swirls of black peeked from his wrist. He must regret it, giving up the use of his body only to find out he made the sacrifice for the wrong person. Jemma put her smile on, but she could feel her heart break a little more each time. 

 

This was why she said yes when Coulson asked her to go undercover. She was a hindrance to Fitz here. The sight of her could only remind him of what he had lost, an unwelcome embodiment of his mistake. Even the doctors agreed that Fitz was worse in her presence. For the first time in their lives, she lied to him. Jemma told him she was going to visit her parents and then she left for Hydra. Fitz would be so angry with her when he found out. He had always hated people leaving and he would see it as the worst kind of betrayal, her abandoning him like his father did. She did it for him though. He wasn’t going to find his soulmate with her hanging around him at all times, clinging to the sight of him as though he was her last breath. Well, perhaps she did it for herself too. She didn’t know if she could watch the moment when he falls in love with someone else. 

 

When she came back, everything was different. Fitz was angry with her as she predicted, but Jemma had never expected him to replace her with someone else as his best friend. Two someones. Mack and Hunter were both good for him. He laughed and talked in their presence. Jemma should be happy for him, and she was, but she didn’t know how to live without Fitz. 

 

Skye was sympathetic, but Jemma couldn’t tell her friend that she now knew she wasn’t Fitz’s soulmate. It was a secret between Jemma and Fitz in his nine-day sleep. Bobbi asked point blank about their relationship, and Jemma lied, sort of. She never thought of Fitz in a romantic light because there was no one else but him. What was the point in daydreaming about his eyes, when she could watch him smile at her in the lab every day? Now she knew better, and it was too late. 

 

Fitz left her, as she knew he would. The lab felt cold and lonely without him. She had designed the lab with him in mind, hoping he would join her in there after his recovery, but perhaps she already knew. Jemma wasn’t his soulmate, and he wasn’t going to stay by her side forever. His move to the garage was only the first step. 

 

As it turned out, he didn’t even trust her anymore. Jemma understood why Skye was scared to tell her about the change. None of them knew what was happening, and she had been off balance since Tripp’s death. No, since the bottom of the ocean. She would never hurt Skye though. Yet Fitz thought she might. Fitz didn’t think she would accept Skye for being different, just as he thought she wouldn’t accept him. 

 

Fitz kept stealing glances at her sideways as they worked on Skye’s gloves. Jemma finally put her tablet down.

 

“Say it.”

 

“What?” Fitz asked. 

 

“Say I am a terrible friend who would hurt Skye,” Jemma said. “Say I am the real monster here. We both know it’s true.”

 

“No,” Fitz said, dropping his tablet as well. “I didn’t think you would ever want to hurt Skye. Never that. I just… I thought… you would need time, to accept she’s different now.”

 

_ Like how she needed to accept him. _ The words hung unsaid between them. Only she couldn’t. Or she already did. She only ever wanted him to be alive and well, but she didn’t know how to behave around him now. If everything went back to the way it was before, she could pretend he was still hers, with friendship and an endless future before them. Now she knew she wasn’t enough. Their story wasn’t a fairytale where she could wake him from sleep with her love. He had a soulmate out there waiting for him, and he would leave her when he realized he made the sacrifice for the wrong person. 

 

“Skye is my friend no matter what happens,” Jemma said instead.  _ As you are, if you will still have me.  _

 

Fitz nodded. They went back to work, silent in the lab that was no longer quite theirs. 

  
  


******

  
  


_ Well, now the lab truly wasn’t theirs anymore.  _ Jemma thought as agents swarmed around them, agents who claimed to be the real S.H.I.E.L.D. As if all of their sacrifices have been for nothing, for a fake ideal that couldn’t stand the test. 

 

Fitz sat beside her on the floor. He had been doing better in the garage, and now he was forced back here with her. What was in his head now, knowing that another one of his friends had betrayed him? Gently, Jemma reached out a hand and laid it over his. She could at least offer him this little comfort.

 

Without hesitation, Fitz laid his other hand over hers. Jemma’s fingers brushed against the dark swirls peeking out under his sleeve. They sat together in silence, but they have each other. 

  
  


******

  
  


Jemma made the sandwich in front of Bobbi, then she wrapped it neatly in paper and tied it up with string. 

 

“This was Fitz’s favorite, before everything,” Jemma said. She looked down at the sandwich and reached for aluminum foil to cover it. “I got used to making it nice, even now. Excuse me. I think I am going to eat in my room.”

 

Bobbi looked at her sympathetically and didn’t follow her from the kitchen. Jemma clung tightly to the foil-wrapped sandwich in her hand and walked down the hallway. She paused in front of Fitz’s door, then she went in. If anyone saw her, she would tell them she was simply bringing Fitz food in hopes of persuading him to stay. 

 

Fitz was out. Bobbi said he was almost done with the exit interviews and his bag was already packed, so she didn’t have much time. Jemma hid Fury’s toolbox inside Fitz’s bag, then she looked around his room. Grabbing a pen and the first piece of paper she could find, she wrote: “ _ Prosciutto & mozzarella. Be safe! _ ”

 

There were so many other things she wanted to tell him, but she didn’t have time or space. Her pen hovered above the paper. She didn’t need to sign the note. Fitz knew her handwriting. No one else could have made the sandwich and passed him the toolbox. He was leaving her though. This time, he might choose not to come back.

 

“ _ Love, Jemma. _ ” She wrote before she could stop herself. Fitz never heard her say the words when he was in his coma. She couldn’t say them to his face now, but she had to tell him, in case it really was the end for them. Let him believe it was only platonic. She hardly understood all of her own feelings, but she knew one thing. Whether or not she was his soulmate, she loved him. 

  
  


******

  
  


They were friends again. Fitz came back to the lab. He thanked her for the sandwich and she deflected, talking about Ward rather than her note. It was easier to focus on anger instead of other feelings. Someone else was waiting for him out there. She had to be content with Fitz’s friendship and nothing more.

 

Only it wasn’t enough. When they were young and the future was bright, Jemma hadn’t minded waiting for a grand romance. When Fitz was in the coma, she couldn’t think of anything beyond waking him up. Later, every emotion was tied up with guilt. Now they were together once more, and she was too aware of her love. Writing the word had opened a floodgate, and she caught herself staring at Fitz more than once, wishing she could reach out and pull him in, holding him close so she would never have to let go. Except his lips didn’t belong to her. Fitz had a soulmate, someone whom he would love with all his heart, and it wasn’t her.

 

Did it matter? Jemma asked herself as she watched Hunter sat by Bobbi’s bed. She never asked if the couple had a soulmate bond. It seemed impossible considering they’ve already married and divorced once. Yet they would die for each other. If one of them died today, they still knew they loved and were loved in return. What did soulmates matter then?

 

Jemma found herself with Fitz. He was preparing to go to war. She tried to get the words out, but he didn’t understand. 

 

“There’s nothing to discuss, Jemma,” Fitz said as he walked past her. 

 

She grabbed his forearm. Her fingers closed around his sleeve-covered wrist, over the words that Fitz would use to proclaim his love to his soulmate someday. 

 

“Maybe there is,” Jemma said. 

 

Maybe she was not Fitz’s soulmate. Maybe he wasn’t hers. But there was love. She loved him, as her partner, her best friend, her everything. She needed him to know. Before anything else could tear them apart. Loving him was more important than whatever the universe had planned for them. 

 

Fitz looked at her with wonder in his eyes. He understood. Perhaps not everything all at once, but they’ve learned to read each other again, and she said her words loud and clear. 

 

Coulson took Fitz away before he could respond. Jemma covered her face with her hands. She couldn’t lose him again. He had to come back. He had to.

  
  


******

  
  


Fitz came back, worn but unharmed. Coulson lost a hand and Skye lost her mother. Everything was in shambles. Yet the team was alive and together. Jemma allowed herself a breath of relief before rushing people to medical bay, taking stock of alien artifacts, and putting order to the chaos. It was hours before she finally went back to her own bunk. She needed a shower, to wash off all the worries and fears of the day. 

 

Jemma stepped into the shower stall and turned on the water. She reached for the body wash, then she paused. Three little black dots, the ones that stubbornly refused to form words during those nine long days by Fitz’s bedside, have came into focus over her heart. 

 

_ Maybe there is.  _

 

She laughed. Water droplets from the shower head mixed with her tears and fell. Now that she decided it didn’t matter anymore, the universe finally declared Fitz as her soulmate. It didn’t change anything. He might still have a different soulmate waiting out there. Or he might simply need more time to accept the bond. He was willing to die for her, but he wasn’t willing to believe that she could love him. Jemma traced her finger over the words. For the first time since the bottom of the ocean, she felt hopeful again. 

  
  


******

  
  


Jemma clung to her hope as she explored the alien terrain. Her hope that someday, Fitz and her were going to be together. He asked her out to dinner! Maybe his words won’t came into focus on their very first date, but someday, someday she’s going to tore off his shirt and drop kisses all over his arm, over whatever wonderful words he would use to say he loved her and believed in her returning that love. 

 

Hope kept her going. She didn’t quite say it out loud in her recordings for Fitz. He would want to see the video footages of an alien planet once she returned to Earth, and it would be too much pressure to tell him that she’s waiting to see his soulmate mark sharpen for her. It had to be his choice. She didn’t hesitate when Will commented about Fitz though. 

 

“Of course Fitz is my favorite word,” Jemma said. “He’s my soulmate.”

 

“Soulmates, huh?” Will said. “The space program won’t select anyone with a mark. Didn’t want anyone with connections that they can’t let go of. Is the bond really all that amazing?”

 

“Yes,” Jemma said. “It’s not just a bond. It’s a choice. I choose to love him, whatever that might mean. We’ve had our share of pain, and we might be separated right now, but I am going back to him. No matter what happens.” 

 

Will nodded. He looked skeptical, but Jemma knew she was right. She would find her way to Fitz. It was only a question of time. 

  
  


******

  
  


“This is hell,” Jemma cried in the dark cave. She had lost her chance, her road back to home. The cursed planet altered its landscape. There was no way out.

 

“No,” Will said. “This was hell before you got here. You showed me hope. Come on, you have a soulmate waiting for you out there, remember? You will find a way back to him.”

 

There was no hope left. She would never see Fitz again. Now she knew why he’s her soulmate and she wasn’t his. She would die here. Fitz would be heartbroken over her disappearance, but eventually he would move on and find his true love. Jemma couldn’t begrudge him that. Like she said in her recording, she wouldn’t wish him here no matter how much she missed him. Fitz deserved a lifetime of happiness. She only wished she could have been there with him. 

 

Life lost meaning afterwards. Even now, Jemma couldn’t bring herself to tell the truth, that she knew she wasn’t Fitz’s soulmate. The secret belonged to her and a sleeping Fitz. The fairytale helped Will, making him believe that somehow she and Fitz would find each other again and take him back to Earth in the process. Jemma played along, working by hand to slowly calculate coordinates for the next portal, even though there was no point in the attempt if the planet could change its topography. 

 

The sun was due to come up soon. Poor Will was so excited. He hadn’t seen the sun in years. Jemma dragged herself outside and put on a smile. What did sunshine matter, when she had already lost the light in her life?

 

They opened the old bottle of wine. Jemma took a sip and spit it out immediately. The bitter aftertaste lingered in her mouth, sour like everything else on this cursed planet. She made herself look up, to wait for the sunrise. A flare went up in the sky.

 

“Fitz!”

 

It had to be him. No one else could find her. Jemma jumped up and ran. Will followed closely behind. 

 

The winds rose.  _ It _ was coming. Jemma could barely see in the sandstorm. 

 

“Will?” 

 

“Go, Jemma!” Will called out. “You have a soulmate waiting for you.  _ It _ can’t stop you. Go!”

 

“You have to come too!” Jemma yelled against the wind. It wasn’t fair to leave Will behind. He had helped her so much. “Will?”

 

No answer except for gunfire and running footsteps. She struggled to find her way. There was no light.

 

“Fitz?”

 

“Jemma!” 

 

“Fitz!”

 

Their voices guided them towards each other. The winds were rising higher and higher. Jemma reached out blindly and found Fitz’s hand. Their fingers latched, and they didn’t let go.

 

A moment of darkness. Jemma’s skin prickled and her body felt strange, then she realized she was in Fitz’s arms. 

 

“Fitz.” 

 

His sleeves were rolled up and she leaned her cheek on his forearm, next to the black swirls that she wanted to kiss someday. Fitz’s smile was brighter than the sun.

 

A head popped up from underneath the rubble. 

 

“Are we back? Are we back on Earth?”

 

“Will! You made it!”

 

“Er, who the heck is this?”

 

A flurry of activity encompassed them. S.H.I.E.L.D. was assessing Jemma and Will for physical damages, alien substances, etc. Jemma rushed to Will before others took him away. 

 

“Don’t worry, S.H.I.E.L.D. will take care of you,” Jemma said. She lowered her voice. “Listen, what I told you before about soulmates, can we keep it between us? Don’t say anything, even to Fitz.”

 

“Yeah sure,” Will said. He still look dazed from coming back to Earth. “It’s our little secret.”

 

Fitz’s face was blank when she went back to him. He guided her gently towards the medical pod, and Jemma allowed herself to fall into his arms again. She was home.

  
  


******

  
  


Readjusting to life on Earth was difficult. Her body had to reacquaint itself with the different gravity, atmosphere, light, everything. Jemma tried to tell herself it was reasonable that she took a while to notice something was off with Fitz. 

 

He was still her best friend. Fitz helped her in all her struggles. He was patient and kind. Yet there was a chasm between them. He backed away whenever she brushed against him. Instead of looking at her with fondness and affection, he wouldn’t meet her eyes. Jemma had asked Fitz to stay in her room while her nightmares persisted. She would wake in the middle of the night, hyperventilating and searching blindly for Fitz, only to find him dozing on the floor instead of the air mattress. She would crawl into his lap, pressing her face against his arm, and fell back asleep with her lips on his mark. When she woke again, he would be gone. The only evidence of his presence was the quilt wrapped around her.

 

She finally snapped at him in the lab one day, over something trivial. Fitz was incredulous. 

 

“Are you actually mad at me?” Fitz asked. “I’ve been trying to help you!”

 

“Yes!” Jemma yelled. “I know you are trying to help me, but you don’t have to. Not if you need to spend time with someone else.” Her voice broke. “I know we were supposed to go out to dinner, but I was gone for over six months.” She crossed her arms and hugged herself. “If you’ve met someone, tell me. I will be happy for you, I promise. It’s all I ever want for you. Alive, well, and happy.”

 

“Me?” Fitz asked. “There’s no one but you! You are the one who met an astronaut! He’s good, handsome, gave you hope in the middle of nowhere.” His voice cracked. “Is he your soulmate?”

 

“No,” Jemma said.  _ You are.  _ But she couldn’t tell Fitz that. Not if he didn’t understand, didn’t believe she loved him and there was no one else for her either. 

 

She reached for him instead. Her fingers brushed against his arm, over his mark like that moment long ago when she made her choice. Fitz looked at her hand, and then he finally leaned down to kiss her. 

 

Jemma kissed him back eagerly. They backed into a lab table. His hands were on her waist and she held onto his arms. Fitz raised his head and she chased his lips for another kiss. 

 

They finally separated for breath while remaining in each other’s embrace. Jemma knew her heart rate was accelerated and Fitz was breathing heavily. 

 

“Are we cursed?” Fitz asked. 

 

“No,” Jemma said. The universe could do whatever it liked. Maybe another person was supposed to be Fitz’s soulmate. Maybe Jemma was his soulmate after all but he would never believe he could accept the bond. It didn’t matter. She chose to love him once, and she chose him still. 

 

Jemma moved her hand to the lab table and picked up her mobile. She had brought the phone on her first post-Maveth visit to the lab, intending to ask Fitz to recover the files so they might learn more about the alien planet. Instead she had left the lab almost immediately, overwhelmed from sensory overload. The phone had sat forgotten on her desk since then. 

 

“Take this,” Jemma said. “Look at the files. Please.”

  
  


******

  
  


Fitz found her by a window near the top level of the base. It was too early and Jemma didn’t expect him to be awake, but perhaps he didn’t go to bed at all. 

 

“Waiting for the sunrise?” Fitz asked.

 

Jemma sucked in a breath. He must have seen the recordings, heard her desperate rambles about longing for sunlight. Did he understand the rest?

 

“Yes,” Jemma answered. “Watch it with me?”

 

Fitz came to stand next to her. He glanced at her face.

 

“Didn’t know you thought about settling down in Perthshire,” Fitz said. He fiddled with his sleeve. “That’s in Scotland.”

 

“I know where it is, Fitz.” 

 

“So when you said all those things about… I mean, you were stranded and dehydrated.”

 

“I was as clear headed then as I’ve ever been, when I said all those things,” Jemma said. “As I am now.”

 

Fitz looked at her with bright eyes and a shy smile. “What, um, what should we do then?”

 

“Let’s start over, you and I,” Jemma said. 

 

“What, back to 16 and achingly shy?” Fitz said. 

 

The first ray of sunshine shone through as Jemma turned towards him and held out a hand. “Jemma Simmons, biochemist.”

 

Fitz took her hand. “Leo Fitz, engineer.”

 

The sun lit their faces as they did a little fist bump. 

 

“Now that we’ve introduced ourselves, would you like to go to dinner with me?” Jemma asked. 

 

“Really?” Fitz said with wonder. 

 

“Yes,” Jemma said. Teenager Jemma thought she could wait for romance, for her soulmate and her to fall in love when it was convenient. She knew better now. Love had to be a choice. They have to make time for it. 

 

“I admit, 16-year-old Jemma was too single-minded to ask you out,” Jemma said. “But adult Jemma would very much like to ask the handsome engineer she just met to dinner. Do you think he will say yes?”

 

“Yes,” Fitz said. “And I know exactly where to go.”

  
  


******

  
  


He held the restaurant reservation for over six months. Jemma found herself tearing up as the waiter poured their drinks. She had resigned herself to a lifetime of soured wine and endless night, yet here she was, back with Fitz whose smile brightened the whole room. He moved his chair next to hers and held her. They needed time to heal, but they would do it together. 

 

Slowly, slowly, they began to build themselves back. Jemma started to work in the lab again. Will went to see his family and immediately pressed the emergency button S.H.I.E.L.D. had given him. Skye, now Daisy, rescued him and found that Hydra had a fanatical faction that wanted to bring  _ It _ to Earth. Fitz and Jemma stayed safely on base while Coulson addressed the threat. They watched Amazon documentaries and flirted over science projects. Life with S.H.I.E.L.D. was never easy, but they were happy.

 

They went to Fitz’s bunk one night. The lab was temporarily out of commission because Lincoln and Daisy got a little carried away in the lounge across the hallway. Fitz exclaimed over the sanctity of the communal couch while a red-faced Lincoln helped him fix the electrical wiring. Daisy picked up items from the floor and promised to gossip over a girls night soon. Jemma shook her head over her tablet as she entered requests for new lab equipments. She was happy for Daisy, but she did wish she had more interesting details to share from her own love life. 

 

“Everything alright?” Fitz asked from his place next to her. 

 

Jemma considered her options. Fitz took her comment about starting over rather too literally, and they haven’t kissed again since their moment in the lab. She had been flirting and brushing against him at every opportunity, but he only stammered and blushed in return. It was time to put out stronger signals. 

 

She shifted closer to Fitz and laid her head down on his shoulder. “I just want to put the lab to order again. Daisy and Lincoln are lucky I didn’t report them to Coulson.”

 

“I know,” Fitz said. He brushed his lips over her hair. “Our friends are lucky to have you.”

 

“Can you imagine, getting so carried away on the public sofa,” Jemma said. The couch springs creaked as she pressed her body closer to Fitz’s. “It’s not even a particularly romantic place. At least take a walk outside. Go stargazing.” 

 

They both looked at the space poster that Fitz had hung up in his room. Jemma breathed in Fitz’s scent.

 

“I still think we will find something magnificent in space someday,” Jemma said. “Not just alien planets or monsters.”

 

“We will,” Fitz said. 

 

He put his hand on hers and their fingers intertwined. Jemma tilted her head to gaze into his eyes. Fitz looked at her for a moment, as if to ask for permission, then he finally moved in to kiss her. 

 

The kiss was soft and unhurried, like they had all the time in the world. Jemma kissed him back slowly, learning the curves of his lips as he explored her mouth. She darted out her tongue right when Fitz pulled back. 

 

“Sorry,” Fitz said. “We were supposed to start over. I didn’t mean to push too fast.”

 

“Too fast? Fitz, it’s been ten years,” Jemma said. He didn’t think she meant to restart their entire relationship from grounds up, did he?

 

“Really?” Fitz asked. “Because I thought, with you still recovering from Maveth and everything…”

 

“Exactly,” Jemma said. “We can’t predict how our lives will go. I am tired of being separated. We can’t let it happen again.”

 

“Then we won’t let it,” Fitz said. 

 

His eyes were soft as he looked at her. Jemma hoped he could finally read the love in her eyes. He did. 

 

“Who needs space? Cause I’ve got something magnificent right here,” Fitz said. He tilted his head and his voice took on a teasing tone. “A picture of space. One of my prized possessions, that is.”

 

Jemma laughed and kissed him. She could feel Fitz’s smile beneath her lips and she opened his mouth with her tongue. His hands came up to her waist as she straddled his lap. She sneaked a palm underneath his shirt, then the room began to shake. 

 

They paused, looking at the dust falling around them. Jemma made a frustrated noise. 

 

“Why does Daisy always have the bunk next to yours?”  Jemma asked without waiting for an answer. She turned her head towards the far side of the wall. 

 

“You two already took out the lab! Don’t mess up Fitz’s room!”

 

The vibrations stopped. Daisy’s muffled voice came through the wall. “Jemma? Why are you in Fitz’s room at this hour?” A pause. “Ooh! Girl talk tomorrow!”

 

Fitz was blushing furiously. He won’t be able to look at either Daisy or Lincoln in the eye for days. Jemma resigned herself to the fact that there would be no more exploring tonight. She pecked his lips.

 

“We are safe now,” Jemma said. “Ward and Malick are both in custody. Hydra has been eliminated. Why don’t we go off base for a date tomorrow night?”

 

“Yeah,” Fitz said. “I can ask Hunter for restaurant recommendations.”

 

“Ask him about hotels too,” Jemma said. “Bobbi said they went to the most amazing place nearby for their second wedding night.”

 

Fitz sputtered beneath her. Jemma kissed him again. Oh this was going to be fun.

  
  


******

  
  


They kissed each other hungrily as soon as they closed the door. Jemma vaguely registered that the hotel room seemed nice, but she was far too preoccupied with taking Fitz’s jacket off to notice much. She broke lip contact to untuck his dress shirt and ran her hands over his bare skin. He was equally eager to get her jacket off, and she grabbed his face for another kiss the moment her arms were free. 

 

Fitz took her hands into his. 

 

“Jemma.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Your hands are freezing.”

 

Jemma pressed her hands on her own face. “Oh, they are like little ice buckets, aren’t they?” She looked at him. “Do you think you can bear it?”

 

“I’ll do my best to power through,” Fitz said. 

 

He took her hands again to warm them with his. They walked back into the bed. Jemma fell on the mattress with Fitz following her. Another kiss, then she rolled them over and began to unbutton his shirt. Fitz grabbed her hand before she could pull it off him. 

 

“Jemma.”

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“We should talk.”

 

“Now?” Jemma asked. Fitz had looked simultaneously elated and worried all day. There were too many people around to talk properly earlier, but they’ve finally had a conversation over dinner. Fitz made a lovely analogy in comparing them sleeping together to crossing the event horizon. They’ve covered birth control and medical history. What more was there to talk about?

 

“I just, um, don’t want you to be surprised,” Fitz said. He sat up and tugged at his sleeve. “When you see this…”

 

“Your hand haven’t been shaking at all lately,” Jemma said. She stayed in his lap and caressed his wrist. “And really, I don’t care about anything as long as you are touching me.”

 

“Thanks, but that’s not what I want to talk to you about,” Fitz said. “I don’t, um, want you to feel pressured when you see my mark. I know how you feel about me now, and everyone say their words at different times, and…”

 

Jemma pushed his shirt off and raised up his arm. The words were clear and sharp on his skin. Laughter bubbled up insider her.

 

“ _ ‘Who needs space? Cause I’ve got something magnificent right here,’ _ ” Jemma read aloud. “You know, I’ve always said your words would be a big romantic speech about how your soulmate is your whole universe. I never thought I couldn’t compare with your poster of space.”

 

“It is a very nice picture,” Fitz said. He searched her face. “You are alright with this?”

 

“Alright with being alive, well, and happy together?” Jemma said. “Yes.” She kissed his forearm, letting her lips linger over each word. “Take off my top, Fitz.”

 

He didn’t need to be told twice. Her shirt went flying to the corner and her bra hit the floor. Then he stopped. 

 

“ _ ‘Maybe there is,’ _ ” Fitz read out loud. He lifted his gaze and there was a wealth of emotion in his eyes.

 

“Jemma.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

He didn’t talk. Instead he leaned down and kissed her mark. Jemma moaned when he began tracing the words with his tongue. She pushed him down on the bed again and tried to wiggle out of her trousers while he continued to suck at her breast. 

 

Fitz noticed her struggle and helped her took off the rest of her clothes. His hand was sure when he reached between her legs. Jemma didn’t know if his fingers were shaking or if her own muscles were quivering as pleasure coursed through her. As soon as she came back down to Earth, Jemma returned the favor and stripped him. They were partners after all, in this and in everything else.

 

She straddled his lap once more and positioned him at her entrance. Fitz reached up to caresses the mark over her chest while Jemma stroked the lines on his arm. 

 

“I love you,” Jemma said. The words seemed too simple, after everything they’ve gone through, yet she couldn’t think of anything else that she would want to say. 

 

“I love you,” Fitz said. He moved and they were together, now and always. 

  
  


******

  
  


The hotel room was quiet as they cuddled with each other. Sunlight shone through the uncovered windows, since they didn’t bother to close the curtains last night. Jemma kissed Fitz’s forearm while his other hand played idly with her breast. She let out a happy noise.

 

“Are you ever going to let go now?” Jemma asked.

 

“Never,” Fitz answered. “Except to give the other one some attention too. Can’t have it feeling neglected just because your words weren’t long enough to cover both boobs.” He switched to fondling her other breast. 

 

“Excuse me,” Jemma said. “Not everyone have marks that went the length of half a limb. Some of us are more efficient with words.”

 

“Efficient?” Fitz said. “I thought I was being romantic with my words, and are we really bickering over who has the better mark?” He lowered his head and began sucking on her chest. 

 

“Yes,” Jemma said between moans. “Although I suppose now we can both shut each other up when the arguments get too silly.” She wiggled against Fitz and heard him suck in a breath. “We are soulmates, after all. Regular mating should be a part of our relationship.”

 

Fitz bursted out laughing. “Mating?”

 

“Are you complaining?”

 

“Nope,” Fitz said. He kissed her on the lips. “I love you, soulmate.”

 

“I love you too, soulmate,” Jemma said. She looked into his eyes. “You know it’s not the only reason, right? That I love you regardless of whether we are soulmates?”

 

“I got an inkling when I saw your words,” Fitz said. “I used to think it would never happen, that you could feel anything more than friendship for me, then it turned out you accepted the soulmate bond much earlier than I did.” He caressed her face. “I had to accept myself before I could believe in your love, but you love me anyway.”

 

“I do,” Jemma said. “And I always will.”

 

They kissed again, slow and sweet. Sunlight bathed them as they made love, quiet and certain in their bond. Whatever mysteries the universe held, they would always have each other. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> \- I love fluffy soulmate stories where everything’s guaranteed to work out, but I also love the idea of love being a free choice. So... sorry for all the angst, but I hope the fluffy ending makes up for it!
> 
> \- Original inspiration of soulmates being a choice from Gort’s [No Vacancy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16479347/chapters/38593220) (Huntingbird, rated E). For another FitzSimmons soulmate fic with similar themes to this story but 100 times less angst, check out TheQueenInTheNorth’s [my soul has a home (& it’s your heart)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17876711).
> 
> \- I finally started rambling about my writing over at [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.social/TomatoBookworm). Not sure who else is on there. Come say hi if you like!


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